Understanding Bullying

Key Takeaways

• Bullying is any repeated, intentional behavior — online or in person — that is aggressive and causes another person hurt or discomfort.
• The effects of bullying are serious, ranging from anxiety and depression to academic decline and social isolation.
• If you or someone you know is struggling, you should recognize the signs of bullying and know that help is available to cope and stop the cycle.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is repetitive, intentionally aggressive behavior — in person or online — that causes hurt or discomfort to another person. Bullying comes in many forms: 

• Violent or unwanted physical contact
• Behavior meant to provoke a fight or confrontation
• Verbal comments meant to belittle, demean, or control
• Other actions intended to harass, humiliate, or otherwise cause emotional and/or physical discomfort. 

Bullying may feel and be unprovoked, and victims often experience powerlessness to defend themselves.

Even if the interaction is brief,  bullying often causes more than momentary physical or emotional discomfort. According to the American Psychological Association, being bullied, especially if repeated, can contribute to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Victims of bullying can have trouble adjusting to school, feel unhappy or unsafe, and experience loneliness and isolation. Some may even have thoughts of suicide. They’re also more likely to be rejected by their peers.

Types of Bullying

Students may experience bullying either offline or online, and while these two types of bullying often happen in  different ways, they’re both destructive to the victims:

• Offline bullying occurs in person, typically in the form of physical threats or violence and/or verbal taunts, threats,  or insults. The 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that nearly 1 in 5 high school students experience in-person bullying or aggression; this is significantly higher for girls and LGBTQ+ students.
• Cyberbullying is bullying online, often in the form of emails, instant messages, texts, or social media posts. Cyberbullying is even more common than offline bullying. About 58% of young people between the ages of 13 and 17 have been bullied online and about 33% have had it happen in the last 30 days.

In-person bullying and cyberbullying can overlap, and it’s quite common for youth being bullied offline to also be bullied online. Students may start rumors or fights online and continue the aggressive behavior in school or community settings where they encounter each other in person. Conversely, bullying behavior may start in person and then continue in online spaces. Rumors, veiled insults, purposely excluding someone, and even dirty looks or nonverbal cues are all forms of covert bullying, sometimes referred to as relational aggression. This subtype of bullying is used to damage the reputation or harm the friendships of another person.

What Are the Signs of Bullying?

It’s important to recognize the signs of bullying so that we can take action when we or someone we know or love is being bullied. According to stopbullying.gov, someone being bullied can show some or all of the following behaviors::

• Frequently feeling or faking sick
• Suddenly skipping meals or binge eating, coming home from school hungry because they didn’t eat lunch
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining academic performance or interest
• Unexplained or sudden social avoidance or loss of friendships
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, self-harm, or suicidal ideation
• Unexplained injuries
• Missing or destroyed clothing or possessions

In partnership with Instagram, JED has created a Pressure To Be Perfect Toolkit, aimed at helping to free us from the pressure of thinking we need to conform to a certain set of standards when we post. It also helps you move from a mindset of comparing yourself with others to one where you’re thoughtfully sharing yourself with others to make your time on Instagram more intentional and rewarding.

What Makes Someone Vulnerable to Bullying?

Anyone can be bullied, but some conditions and characteristics increase risk of being targeted:

• Kids who are bullied at home by siblings are more likely to be targeted at school.
• Certain conditions at an early age, such as physical health problems, high BMI, cognitive difficulties, and emotional dysregulation are associated with increased risk for bullying into early adolescence.
• Higher ADHD symptoms are associated with bullying victimization.
• Recent data from the Cyberbullying Research Center shows that boys are more likely than girls to be victims of cyberbullying, while the opposite had been true in the past.
• LGBTQ+ students experience higher rates of bullying  than other students, both online and at school.

Causes for Bullying

Anyone can engage in bullying behavior. Many of us have found ourselves at some point in life being unkind or even aggressive to get what we want, especially when we’re young and learning about relationships. Most of us, however, learn from these experiences and figure out how to advocate for what we want or express anger in healthier ways. 

Sometimes, however, people become focused on competing with others to get what they want, rather than cooperating. They may choose to abuse or manipulate other people, including their friends, to build up their status and popularity. Those who engage in bullying may, in fact, be driven by a strong desire for belonging. According to stopbullying.gov, those who bully may or may not have a lot of social connections with peers. Factors associated with bullying behavior include:

• High levels of aggression and frustration
• Limited parental involvement
• Negative thought about others
• Difficulty following rules
• Positive view of violence

Recognizing Bullying

People who’ve been bullied are also at heightened risk of bullying and vice versa, depending on other personal and life characteristics. For example, in a study of over 3,000 7th grade students, bullying victims with higher self-esteem were more likely to engage in future bullying perpetration, whereas victims with lower self-esteem were less likely to bully in the future. While none of us want to think that we would ever be the bully, it’s important to note that someone engaging in bullying may not recognize it as bullying, despite how clear it may be to others.

So what are some signs that we might be doing the bullying?

• Difficulty empathizing with others or finding humor in others’ misfortune
• Feeling powerful when putting others down
• Manipulating others to gain social status or to get your needs met
• Blaming others for problems or negative behaviors
• Using verbal aggression, threats, or physical violence to get your way 
• Engaging in gossip and rumors to keep others out of a group or create a hierarchy among your peers

Involvement in bullying, whether as a perpetrator, victim, or both, is associated with higher levels of mental health problems in adulthood. But this cycle doesn’t have to continue. There are ways to get help and cope.

If you think you’re being bullied or think you’re a bully, check out our How to Cope with Bullying article. And if you need help immediately, text “HOME” to 741-741 or call 988.

Related Links

• Recognizing Signs of Cyberbullying
• Understanding Cyberbullying
• How to Cope With Cyberbullying